The joys of work....

So Monday in class we talked about what we as adults have come to love (yes, that was meant to be said in a sarcastic voice). We talked about work.

Okay, truth time. I actually love work. To me there is nothing better than the feeling you get once you have accomplished something you have worked really hard on. Work is a natural instinct that we have as human beings. If you look clear back to our first parents, Adam and Eve, they started working and it has been something we have done ever sense.

If you think about it, little kids love to work! I was talking to my grandma about work ethics one day (she recently got back from visiting my aunt, uncle, and cousins) and she started to tell me about one of my younger cousins. This little cousin is number six out of seven, I think. My grandma went on to tell me that she will go and clean up any little mess that she can find. She is her moms biggest helper, and it is starting to rub off on the youngest (who I believe is about to be two). This little girl will do anything her mom asks her to and doesn't ask her to! She loves to work!

So, think about this....we have to learn to be lazy. We have to learn how to not love work. I know...this seems a little crazy but bare with me for a minute. Think of all the "fun times" you've had with your family. Sure, some of them may revolve around activities or movies and such, but some of them may revolve around doing dishes, cleaning up after a holiday meal, or even weeding the garden.

When we work together as a family, we grow as a family. I remember the times I felt the closest with my mother was when I was helping her weed the garden or do the dishes. It was during this time I talked with her. I told her about what was happening with my life and how things were going and such.

In my family, it seems to me, when we clean, we talk. I remember cleaning my sisters room with them after friends had played over and they would talk about what they did, who they liked, how life was, and what they were struggling with. I like to believe that it was in those moments that I really got to know my sisters and they got to know me.

So, I'd like to give you a challenge. Next time you ask your children to clean up something or work on something, do it with them and see what happens. If you don't have children, clean/work with your spouse and see what happens.

After all if you think about it, faith brings miracles, but faith requires work. So eventually, work brings miracles. Miracles in your family will happen if you work together.

Communication...it's a must have!

Communications has been one of my favorite things to study, that very well could be because that is what my clusters (minor) is in!

Get ready for some random communication/speech facts!

• 93% (about) of communication is non-verbal.
• You must hear something 3 times to remember it. 
• When hearing a contradictive message we have a tendency to believe the non-verbal hints we receive.
• 65% of what we learn about another person when communicating is by observing non-verbal body language.
• 7% of communication is what you say (words), 38% is how you say it, and 55% is body movement.

So as you can see, communication with others is pretty important. Communication occurs all of the time. We cannot not communicate! Go ahead, try it! Communication requires an exchange of shared meanings. For example, a gesture or a hand sign can mean one thing in America but a totally different think in China. Communication also requires feedback in order to be certain of exchanged meaning. If you aren't sure you got the message, you should always double check!

Bottom line: communication is naturally apart of who we are. We can't help but communicate, we just have to be careful about how we do it!

The Brush Strokes of Crisis

So,  I learned something new this week. In the Chinese language there are two brush strokes that make up the word crisis. One brush stroke means danger and the next brush stroke means opportunity. At one point in a persons life time they will most likely experience one crisis.

When we face a crisis we can respond to it in multiple ways. Some people deal with it the best they can with the help of friends, family, and other resources like religion. Others may deal with it by avoiding the crisis.

In the end all of our actions are due to how we choose to react to the situation. We have to choose how we react. If we let our brain go on autopilot we would be scared, overwhelmed, depressed discouraged.

I have concluded, from my own personal life events, that coping is a necessary skill. Some people cope and adjust really well and others don't. 

A coping saw is a specific saw used in woodworking or carpentry. It is also used to create moldings and joints. This saw allows you to cut very precisely and intricate(make tiny adjustments to make sure you can cut little pieces to fit in the places you need them). Coping on a pool keeps water in, protects you from the sharp edge (being damaged), protects against erosion from the water.

This is why it is important to be aware how we cope with events, stressors, and crisis  through out our life. If we have "good" coping skills we will be able to protect our selves from the damage that can be caused otherwise. 

There are multiple ways a person can cope with a crisis, event, or stressor.  

1. Taking responsibility. This means not just that you will not deny or avoid the problem or blame others but that you will not play the victim game. 
2. Affirm your own and your family's worth. Believe in yourself and your ability to deal with situations. Remind yourself that you and your family are people with strengths and the capacity to cope. 
3. Balance self-concern with other-concern. Take responsibility for your own well-being and serve one another. 
4. Learn the art of reframing. To reframe means to change your perspective on a situation. Redefine something you had defined as troublesome as adaptive and useful.   
5. Find and use available resources. There are a number of external resources that one can turn to in a time of need. These may include family members, religious beliefs, and counselors.  

In the end, it really does matter how we react to a situation. Our actions determine this. It is up to us on how we are going to cope with a stressor/crisis. So, let us act instead of being acted upon when it comes to a stressor or crisis. Cope the best way you know how using all your available resources.  

Turn the crisis into an opportunity instead of a danger.  

Birds and the Bees...

So, it seems like this week a lot of my classes are going hand in hand with each other, which is pretty awesome if you ask me! So we have gone from talking about marriage and intimacy to talking to your children (or future children) about intimacy.

To be honest, I was intrigued as to how we were going to talk about this in class and what we would and would not discuss. We talked about someways that you could "mess" up your kids if you don't talk to them about this important stuff. Some of the concerns on how you could mess up were:

• Not talking about it period.
• Emphasize the sin aspect of sex before marriage. Now, I think it is important for children to know what it is immoral to do so before marriage but they need to know the why. I think that is what gets left out a lot of the time. 
• If you focus on the "sin" and how horrible sex before marriage is, those who unfortunately are raped or sexually abused can feel used and dirty even though it was not their fault. 

Here are some of the reasons we talked about as to why it is important to have this talk with your children:

• It helps you develop a connection to your children
• You can help them understand why intimacy is sacred and reserved for marriage
• It teaches your children respect for themselves and others

I think in today's world it is so important to talk to your children at an appropriate age about sex and their bodies. I was talking to a friend at work about this and she brought up the fact that when her parents asked her if she knew a lot already about the birds and bees she said yes...because she thought they were talking about actual birds and bees and not boys and girls and sex. Luckily her parents continued to talk to her about it even though she told them she knew. So, be careful in how you word things to your children...they might take it a totally different way! 

I am betting that it can be a pretty daunting task to talk to your child about sex today, espeically when it is everywhere and so they learn about it at such an early age. Luckily we are not left hanging to do this alone. Between you, your spouse, and Heavenly Father it can be done. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has even come out with a manual to guide parents on when to talk to their children about certain things. Granted, this manual was made in the 80's so I assume you can use your better judgement and the influence of the spirit to make adjustments when needed.You can find it here!

I can go on and on as to why it is important to talk to your kids and be open with them. There are so many misconceptions that can take place when a child is trying to understand something so sacred as sex and having children...if you don't talk to them pretty soon they will have their own definition of sex and where babies come from!

Marriage...it's not for you but for the one you married!

Franz Schubert, an Austrian composer, once said, "Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife."

Marriage can be a scary thing. Part of me wants to think the main reason for cohabitation is because people are afraid to make that life-long commitment to another human being. BUT, I know that is only one of the many reasons as to why people cohabit.

Marriage takes a lot of work. I know I'm not married so I probably don't understand completely all the work that is put in to make a marriage a successful one, but I like to think I have a glimpse of it because of what I have learned, what I am learning, and from all the wonderful examples of married folks I have seen around me.

To me, marriage is kind of an awe-inspiring event. Two people come together, because hopefully they love each other, and start a whole new life together. These two people may have two completely different backgrounds, upbringing, and traditions among many other things. A married couple may have to think about who is going to do the dishes, who's going to change the babies diaper, and so on. My point is that there are a lot of decisions that have to be made as well as adjusting to living with a person you have never lived with before (if you didn't cohabitate).

When you throw kids into the mix of things, things can get crazy fast. In class we spent sometime talking about why it is important for husbands and wives to actively involve one another during their whole marriage. They become a unit, a family together. Lately on Facebook there has been this blog floating around about marriage. You can read the blog here. In this particular blog post Seth Smith talks about how marriage isn't for you. To be honest I completely agree. Its about the person you marry. One thing that I have noticed as we have talked about marriage and children in class is that marriage really isn't about you, neither is a family. Its about those you love and care about. That is why you do the things you do, for the most part at least.

In class we talked about how after a child is born marital satisfaction decreases. This happens for a number of reasons: lack of sleep, intimacy, and communication to name a few. However, I believe there are a number of things one can do to help their marital satisfaction increase. I've noticed that communication is a big deal. When you openly communicate with a person your trust with them goes up as well as attachment. I also believe that when you follow "divine patterns, divine things will happen." Take a look at the clip below that dicusses some tips for a happy marriage. What tips are important to you?